I'm stressing.

   I applied to three universities for 'Fall 2009 Admissions.' At each university I applied for Journalism and Accounting. I thought long and hard about the courses and the schools. I weighed all pros and cons to each school. I wasn't expecting to hear back from any schools until after midterm marks go out, but a couple of weeks ago I got my first acceptance into my first choice. At first, I was ecstatic. How couldn't I be? My FIRST choice! In six months, I am going to be a university student! The next chapter of my life is going to begin and here are all my dreams coming true.

   Yet, I'm already and emotional basketcase. I'm scared for university (not the school part, the everything else part), and I now realize that maybe what I wanted when I applied three months has changed. The school I chose for my last choice is forty-five minutes away, I could either commute or live in rez while I go to school. My second choice is two hours away from home. Living in residence will be a must, although, I will be able to come home most weekends. Then, there's my first choice. Four hours away. It's obvious that I won't be able to commute, and I definitely won't be able to come home as much as I want.

   I was definitely not a sheltered child or teen, but questions and insecurities keep running through my mind. Who's going to take care of me when I'm sick? Is my best friend going to find someone else to confide in? Who's going to pick up my sister when she's had too much to drink at a party? Are the people like the people from my home town? Will my boyfriend find someone else? What's going to happen to my bedroom?

   It's silly of me and these things I'm worried about are so menial, but I'm scared shitless. I really hope I find the courage to go through with my first choice, because it was my first choice for a reason... but with all these worries, I can't quite remember what those reasons were.  

I belong to the Postsecret group on Faceboook and each time I view the secrets, I also view the comments others have posted on the pictures. A good chunk of them are just fights amongst members of the group. Someone will make judgement on a secret and someone will follow up on that judgement with a "these pictures are not meant to be judged!" comment, and then everyone joins in to give their opinion. It sickens me.

I personally believe that Postsecrets are meant to be judged. Those who send in their secrets are bearing themselves to the world. You have to know that you will either get a "kudos" or a "shame-on-you" depending on how vile and outlandish your secret is. Although I feel that they should be judged, I also feel some people are too critical of the postcards and pictures. You have to think, "what if this were me?"

What if you put your secret out for the world to know. You seek freedom and are looking to be accepted, only to be shot down mid-flight. Some people are much too harsh because they will never know what it feels to be outside of their comfortable, cushy lives. They can be so narrow minded and shallow that it actually saddens me.

I have never commented on a Postsecret, whether supportive or critical, and it isn't in my interest to do so. This is about as close as I will ever get. It simply just isn't my place.